He was everything I had hoped, dreamed, and prayed for in
the beginning. He was the kind of man my parents could be proud of; he was the
man who would treat me right and love me for me. He taught me how to love
myself and see myself as valued and beautiful. He showed me that a man here on
this Earth that wasn’t my own dad could love me. He taught me how to love, and
oh man did I love. I loved with my whole heart, my whole soul, and whole mind.
I loved so deep and so wide. I loved unconditionally. I woke up every day
falling more in love with this man, this precious man who loved me back. I was
so blessed. I knew I had found the ONE.
I was planning my own perfect wedding, to my own perfect fiancé.
I thought that what I was doing was God’s plan for my life. Let’s be honest
here every little girl dreams of that perfect knight and shining armor to sweep
her off her feet and fall madly, deeply, and unconditionally in love with her.
She dreams of a beautiful proposal, a beautiful ring, and a beautiful family to
be marrying into. She dreams of him asking her daddy permission and everyone
beaming with joy. She dreams of planning and picking things out and shopping
and asking bridesmaids to be bridesmaids and everything else involved in that
special day.
I was there. I was in the midst of planning what seemed to
be my storybook fairytale. Now I’m here on the other side of a broken
engagement. See that one word, unconditional, changed everything. Sure he loved
me, and a part of me knows in some ways he always will, just like I always
will. He did great things for me, we had a great time together, and I was ready
to sign my life away to him. To be his Bride was going to make me the happiest
girl in the world. One day he realized that his love for me wasn’t meant for
the commitment we were going to enter into. He realized he lacked a marriage,
lifetime, and unconditional kind of love for me.
So that leaves me, just me, Jordan, being me for the world
to see. I love writing, and since the split I have found it to be a passion
again. I have a folder in my “cloud” that I write my feeling and thoughts in.
You see I know that ONE day that man will chase after my own heart. ONE day a
man will see me through God’s eyes and have the kind of love that is meant to
last a lifetime, and marriage, a kind of love that IS unconditional. ONE day I will
have another Godly dating experience, ONE day I will be asked to marry another
man, ONE day I will enter into a Godly covenant with a man that is all the
things that a husband my God designed. ONE day is just not today.
God’s love is unconditional. That means no matter what we
do, no matter what we say God LOVES US. With all that God is, for He is the
same today, tomorrow, and forever. I mean He is God of course. I find it no coincidence
that God calls the church, and all its members meaning all believers, His BRIDE.
And one day there will be a beautiful wedding between the Groom and His Bride. Here
on Earth you see God gives us an imperfect example of His perfect love.
Marriage between a man and a woman. In perfect unity, brought together in God’s
perfect timing. ONE day is just not today.
-Jordan
