Even If You Don't

Grief. It’s a weird kinda thing. One moment you are singing, smiling, enjoying a new thing. The next moment you are crying deciding if you want peach cobbler or not.

I believe I took a lot of psychology classes in college for a reason. I remember grief. The topic of grief. The stages of grief…kinda… I remember denial, anger and bargaining…. There seems to be a perpetual circle of the 3 like a bad carnival ride you wish would end sooner rather than later.

I have experience grief from the loss of a friendship, loss of a relationship, loss of a family member both sudden and prolonged… Each have their own good memories and bad memories but is time really the only thing that heals it?

I still find myself choked up over a death from years ago…. When does it get better? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

They say that breakups are a death in a relationship. I find myself replaying the conversations… the good ones the bad ones…the last one. It gets me every time. It hasn’t gotten easier. It still hurts. I still feel broken. And there are times where I have to reevaluate my self-worth and who I am and what I want to do.

I keep my radio on K-LOVE and no matter what is going on or even if the radio is turned down low I can always hear when the new song my Mercy Me comes on. Even If. Even if He doesn’t fix it like I want, or when I want or Even If it takes al long time to get there… Even If He doesn’t, my hope is found in Him. I still wear my ring and when I am having a low moment and I catch a glimpse of that pearl I see my worth, my value. I am a pearl of great prize, one worth more than all the riches, because I am a daughter of the Most High King of Kings.

If I wrote you a letter...

If I wrote you a letter… Where would I start?
Would I say I’m sorry? Would I say I forgive you?

If I wrote you a letter…  Where would I send it?
To your heart? To your head?

If I wrote you a letter… What would I say?
Do I tell you the good things, or the bad things?

If I wrote you a letter… Would it do any good?
What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong?
How could we have fixed it? Did we try our best?

Do you know how much I loved you? Do you know how much I cared?
Do you know how much I prayed for you? Do you know how much I grew in faith and love?
Do you know?

The Lord is close to the broken hearted. He gives rest to the weary and strength to the weak.
He gives a spirit of love and sound mind, not of fear or timidity. 

Oh Lord, If I wrote you a letter…

The Eye of the Storm

What next? My youth pastor used to joke about lessons in patience. He would say “don’t ask God for lessons in patience, cause then you will get them.” I’ve learned a lot about patience over the years. 12-Year-old Jordan had no patience, she lacked a lot of other things too, she had a plan, a very good plan, she thought. It was 15 to 20 years long and didn’t have much wiggle room, fool proof. (HA) I look back and see where I went so far from that plan and yet somehow stayed pretty close too.

“I try to put you in the box where I design”… “but when did I forget that you were King of the World”

I feel all the emotions and yet nothing at all. At any moment I could totally space out and break. I’m an open book, if I know, I can tell you. But I open my mouth to speak and I choke…. “I feel so...” “I feel so…”, Broken? Confused? Angry? Upset?.... nothing seems to fit the hole just right.

I don’t understand His plan, I don’t. I can run a million questions through my head, but will the answers really help? My prayer tonight is to guide my step, just the next one, and then the next after that.

You grow a lot; you learn a lot. I see now why I didn’t date in high school as for me I love deep and I love hard. I love with an unconditional love. I pray that I always do, and I pray that whoever he is, wherever he is, he loves too. With a love that’s like Jesus, a love that’s unconditional.

What next? Well that’s to be discovered along the way, one step at a time. But today, I rise... and tomorrow, I rise and I take it one step at a time. "In the eye of the storm, You are in control..."

I am more than thankful for the growth of each day, the blessing and stressing that it brings. I am thankful for my relationships with friends and family. They always step up, show up and support me, even when I am one heap of a mess.

Mostly I am thankful for my faith, I always joke I came out of the womb ready for Church as my dad was pastoring at the time, but it hasn’t always been easy to walk in the faith. God placed some very special people along the way and they keep pointed in the right direction.

You see one day I will meet him, one day all this will make sense,

...One day is just not today.

And with the sincerest heart…

Thank you for everything,

-Simply Jordan

How I am SAVING $350 Dollars a Month in Food. Freezer/Frozen Meals

My roommate and I are hoping to start the New Year off right. I am finishing up my last semester of college and she is a first semester elementary teacher. Needless to say we are on a tight budget. Also we don’t have much time for meal prep, or execution so I came up with a plan to make a months’ worth of freezer meals that could easily be make in the crockpot or baking dish with little to not added effort in the evening. Did I also mention I work 3 part time jobs on top of being a full time student? (I love my busy life, but I needed an easier way to make dinner options that weren’t eating out) This is a complete list of everything that I bought on the day of shopping. Note that some things that are in the recipes I already had, so always check what you have and what you need, but for the purpose of this blog I am writing what I actually bought. We shopped at our local grocery store and shopped the sales. The biggest savings was on the meat that was on sale. We were able to buy bulk meats at cheaper prices. We bought the roast later because it wasn’t on sale that week but went on sale the next week. So when shopping you can wait. I went ahead and made the roast freezer meal bags with the veggies and the seasoning ahead of time and added that meat later when it went on sale. I spent a lot of time preparing for this and here it how I did it. I started with research, I looked at several blogs (like this one) about their method of prep. The general rule is that it will take 4 to 6 hours to do about 20 freezer bags if you are by yourself (I had help from my mom and roommate and we got it done in 3.5 hours).

This is a list of all the meals that the following shopping list will provide: 2 pot roast meals, Beef stew, 4 pkgs of Lunch meat, 3 bisquick chicken meals, potato soup, 2 BBQ chicken meals, 3 pork loins, 6 hamburger patties, sausage and beans, sausage and potatoes, chicken spaghetti, chili, 2 chicken and rice meals, green chili casserole, chicken fajitas, taco soup, pork chops, 2 hamburger helper meals, spaghetti, tostadas/tacos, weenies and mac and cheese, chili dogs. Also we have 11 additional non assigned bags of ½ lb cooked hamburger meat that we can use for anything. The recipes for most of these meals are included below. Some are not because they are basic meals or boxed instructions. These were all mixed with their meats, seasonings, and veggies and then frozen. The shopping list also included Lunch meat to make sandwiches and things for breakfast foods.  I had planned for a months’ worth of food but because of the great prices on meat and some of the items we already had I ended up with 32 meals just for dinner. SO we ended up with over 2 months’ worth of food because all the recipes make meals for 4 to 6 people and there is just two of us so we have leftovers for the next day lunch and typically another dinner. AND the best part was the grand total was just over $200. This makes each meal round out to be a little over $3 dollars per meal that’s $1.50 per person. If you ate out the equivalence that this meal prep cost and on average a takeout meal is $7, we would have spent around $900. Again this is two months’ worth of food so we are SAVING $700 dollars in two months by doing this method. I would say that’s totally worth it. (And its good wholesome food).

 
Shopping List

Dairy:
Gallon of milk
shredded cheese 4 pkg
cream cheese
can of biscuits
eggs
sliced cheese 2pkg
sticks of butter 2pkg
coffee creamer
bowl butter

Canned foods:
ranch style beans
whole kernel corn
2 cans of refried beans
3 cans of rotel
4 cans of green beans
black eyed peas
bushes baked beans
3 cans of cream of mushroom soup
5 cans of cream of chicken soup
1 can of cream of celery soup
2 cans of green chiles

Meat:
2lbs of roast
4 pork chops
9lbs of chicken breasts
sausage links
3lbs of shredded chicken
pork loin (we ended up getting a 9lb one)
2pkgs of weenies
sausage chub
lunch meat
10 lbs Hamburger meat chub

Produce:
10lb bag of potatoes
bag of baby carrots
1 bell pepper
1 onion

Frozen:
bag of cubed hashbrowns
5 bags of frozen veggies (assorted)
Dry goods:
olive oil
Beef broth cubes
long grain rice
onion soup mix
evaporated milk
2pkg of spaghetti noodles
parmesan cheese
paprika
bread crumbs
velveta
BBQ sause
2 loafs of bread
1 box of chicken broth
2 cans of chicken broth
fajita seasoning pkg
taco seasoning pkg
2 roast seasoning pkgs
chili making kit
bag of fritos chips
2 boxes of Hamburger helper
taco shells
tostado shells
flour tortillas
tortilla chips
cereal
4 ranch dressing seasoning pkgs
raw sugar

Gallon freezer bags
jug of water

Recipes:

Pot Roast (serves 4):
3 T olive oil
2 lb beef roast (any kind, cut into large cubes)
3 Cups beef broth
5 potatoes, cubed
3-4 carrots, sliced
Sprinkle of rosemary, oregano, thyme (whatever seasoning you like...make this recipe your own)

Split all ingredients in half and place in bags. Freeze. Day of cooking grab from freezer, pour all contents into crock pot and cook on high 3-4 hours or low 6-8 hours. Add salt and pepper to taste.

We serve this with green beans, a salad and dinner rolls

Pork chops (serves 4)

4 pork chops
1 can cream of mushroom soup
½ can of water
ranch seasoning (a dusting)

If meat is frozen 6-8 hours on low, cook minute rice 1cup of rice and serve over meat

Chicken/rice (4)
1 stick of butter
1½ cup of rice (regular long grain)
Cream of chicken 1 can
Cream of celery 1 can
2 ½ cup of milk
1pkg. lipton onion soup mix
4-6 chicken breasts cut in half
salt

Mix all ingredients minus chicken and soup mix, pour into crock pot place chicken on top, sprinkle onion soup mix on top, low for 8 hours.

Sausage/Potatoes

cut up (6 med) potatoes like fries, onions cut (small), 1pkg sausage in half then quarters. Fry in pan of canola oil (shallow).

Green Chili casserole
1lbs hamburger meat
can of cream of chicken
can cream of mushroom
can evaporated milk
can of green chilies
10-12 corn tortillas
package of shredded cheese

Turn oven on to bake at 350 Brown hamburger meat, add cans of soup, milk chiies, heat to boil, spray 9*13 layer tortillas, soup mix, cheese, (two layers), bake for 30mins or until bubbly.

Chicken Spaghetti
3/4lbs of cooked shredded chicken
2 cans of cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom
1 can of green chilies
1pkg of spaghetti (16oz)
1pkg of shredded cheese

Turn oven on. In sause pan mix cooked chicken, soups, chiles, heat to boil, cook spaghetti, drain spaghetti pour soup over noodles, place in 9*13, sprinkle with cheese, bake a 350 for 30 mins (bake 15 mins then add cheese).

Bisquick chicken

1 lbs of chicken tenders (defrosted)
1 cup of biscuit mix in ziplock bag
1/8 cup of parmesan cheese
2tbs of paprika
pinch of salt and pepper
½ stick of butter

Heat oven to 425, 9*13 baking dish line with foil, ½ stick of butter cut in slices, place in pan in oven to melt butter, ½ chicken in bag (well coated), take melted butter out of over, remove coated chicken, dip in butter on both sides, lay down in pan, finish chicken same way. Bake for 20-25 mins until chicken is done.

Porkloin in crockpot

Frozen porkloin
½ cup of breadcrumbs
garlic powder
pepper
½ cup of chicken broth

Frozen porkloin coated with breadcrumbs, sprinkle with pepper and garlic powder, and place in ½ cup of chicken broth (or water). Cook on low 12 hours. Serve with stovetop stuffing and cranberry Sause and mashed potatoes. ** cut finished porkloin in 3rds and freeze other two for later

Chicken fajitas

1lb of chicken breast
1 bell pepper sliced
1 sliced onion
½ of fajita seasoning

Thaw overnight from bag place contents in the crockpot, cook on low for 6-8 hours. Serve with tortillas

Potato Soup

Bag of frozen hashbrown potato cubes
box of chicken broth
can of cream of chicken soup
1pkg cream cheese

In a crockpot pour box of broth, add can of soup whisk together, pour in frozen potatoes, cover cook low for 6 hours. Lay cream cheese on counter for cooktime. Add cubed cream cheese and let melt for an hour. Serve with cheese, bacon bits.

Taco soup

1lb of ground hamburger meat
can of rotel
can of ranch style beans
can of whole kernel corn
½ ranch pkg
½ taco seasoning pkg
2 cans of water

Throw it all in the crockpot and cook on low for 6-8 hours. Serve with chips/cheese.

Homeade Chili

1lb of hamburger meat
I pkg of chili kit

Follow the directions on the chili kit, *omit masa. Serve with fritoes, and shredded cheese.

 

When God's Will Isn't What I Wanted

It’s a busy time of year, anxiety, stress, and the overwhelming feeling of a “to-do” list longer than the want to list isn’t helping anyone. It’s easy to become complacent and enjoy the way life is going right in that moment. It’s easy to look at your life and think of all the things you have accomplished. It’s easy to be proud of yourself for those “great” things you have done. It’s easy to do those things when life is easy, but what about when life isn’t so “rainbows and roses”?

I am a big advocate of constant communication with God. I attempt to get into the Word every day and journal my thoughts and specifically my prayers. Lately I have been “too busy” to really get into my quiet times. If I did sit down and do it, it was very mechanical and not in the least relational. But this is my Father, this is my Shepard, my Comforter, but I felt so distant I didn’t even want to take time to talk to Him about it. Instead I harbored negative feelings until it turned into full-fledged anger.

It was a relief to admit how angry I had been. I began to cry and then I collected myself and I immediately felt better.

I was angry, why? I began to walk through it, in communion with God. See the past several months I have been praying specific prayers, the desires of my heart, and now in the time when it should be looking like life should go my way, and I’m getting a not so desired answer.

I was struggling, I was angry, I couldn’t understand how this outcome could possibly be in God’s plan for me. There I go again, writing my own story, deciding what’s best for me.

In my study this morning was Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, but prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Woah, reality check. Do not worry, do not be anxious, and do not fear. God is bigger, God is all-knowing, and God is all-powerful. He is the beginning and the end. He is Father, Comforter, Counselor, and Keeper. Why would I want anyone else to guide my path? The verse goes on in 4:7 to say, “And the Peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds.”

I want to be the best that I can be, as a daughter, as a girlfriend, as a future wife, as a future mother, as a student, as an employee, but I can’t let my own selfish pride, or my own fears or anxieties get in the way of GOD’s will for my life. Ultimately I am a servant of Christ Jesus and by starting there first the rest will fall into place.

So whatever you are struggling with surrender, admit to the feeling or the action, let the Great Comforter show you His great love. Make the decision to follow his Will and go forward with a Joy in your heart that even in the unfavorable circumstances you are still a servant of the Great Commissioner, no matter where your mission field is.

-Simply Jordan  

Christians Sing Lies

There is a quote that goes something like “Christians don’t tell lies, they sing them.” and the first time I heard this quote I knew it was true, for everyone except me (of course) because I was conscience of it. There is an acapella song which lyrics read “Love one another for love is of God, he who loves is born of God and knows God.” This some comes from the verses in 1 John.

I think this modern day culture has watered the word love down so much that sometimes we don’t even realize what we are saying. You love this, you love that, you love your mom, and you love coffee, but who or what you REALLY love. The bible says whatever dwells in our heart is where our treasure is built up. Are we really loving earthly things, or earthly people MORE than we love our Heavenly Father? Man, I woke up so convicted from this. I have so focused on showing love to special people in my life, my mom, grandmother, dad, brother, boyfriend, best friend. I want to love them correctly. The bible teaches us to love others, but we as optimistic modern Christians seem to glance over the “Those who do not love are not born of God”, parts of the Bible.

Christians spend their lives trying to be more like Jesus, we do “Christiany” things like church and community groups and retreats, we walk the walk and even talk the talk, but how is your heart? I went on a mission trip over spring break and there was a girl who was clearly the spiritual warrior of the group, but instead of asking me how was I like some many others she would take the time to stop, look at me, and ask me how is your heart?. The first few times this happened I was like oh yeah I’m good, but then I began to really dig into answering the question if not out loud, but internally KNOWING where my heart was.

Forgiveness is hard, really hard, and you can think you have forgiven someone for something to happen and you start harboring bad feelings again. My father shared with me a concept that I had never really thought about and I have to say it hit home pretty hard. If we believe that everyone is apart of God’s plan, if we truly believe that everyone can have a personal relationship with God and given the same opportunities in the Kingdom of Heaven. If we believe they are children of God, HOW can we “hate” them? And I know what you are thinking, “but Jordan I never said I hated them?” Oh but you did. See the Bible says that if anyone says “I love God” but hates his brother, he is a liar. The bible calls us liars! Man that’s such a conviction!!

There is peace, there is love, there is reconciliation, and there is power ALL in the name of Jesus. We are FORGIVEN for our sins (even the hate in our heart) by the blood of Jesus Christ. We are washed as white as snow in the Eye of God if you have accepted Jesus as Lord over your life and walk in His light. I encourage those (including me) who need to have a conversation of repentance to do that soon, like now! There is no time like the present as cheesy as that is. Don’t harbor the hatred in your heart over high school bullies, over a broken heart, over friends doing wrong. They are children of God too, try praying instead of dwelling in darkness. Live in the Light and the Mercy and the FORGIVENESS of God!

-simply Jordan

One of THOSE classes

I am taking a class this semester called “The Family”, and initially I thought it was going to be strictly about the family structure (hence the name), but I am nicely surprised to see that it is not. I got an email before the first day of class with an assignment already, and my first thought was oh great its going to be one of THOSE classes. I completed the assignment which was reading the preface and the first 2 chapters of the textbook before class (I was not amused). I actually began to really hate the book, I felt that the language it used was very confusing and that the sentences and paragraphs went round and round in circles. I constantly found myself thinking about this course and what I was going to get out of the course and whether or not I would even like the course in the first place. Now after the first week in the class I have attended twice and am working on chapter 4 of the book, I get excited about reading each chapter and even though the language is still confusing I try and understand it and go to class with a least a few questions or thoughts over the chapters.

So here is what I am learning. The class premise is based on the fact that there are two inert concepts each human has, individuality and togetherness. How each of these are expressed and the level of each expression is based on the learned structure of the family (or family environment).

What I am most excited about after just one week is seeking to answer the question How to be an individual while in a relationship. (not just romantically, but every relationship).

After my broken engagement, I spent SO much time (since that’s all I had was time) figuring out who I am and what I like. I discovered my worth and value through the eyes of my Lord and I’ve never turned back. What I won’t say is that I always have it together, if fact in my last post I talked about the beauty I found in brokenness and turning to the Christian faith and community for support.  

In my new venture into the relationship scene I had to redefine what love looked like both giving and receiving. I read another article that talks about how the best answers as to why you love someone is because you “just do”, that’s the magic and the beauty behind unconditional love. In this new season I (we) make it an important effort to seek the Lord’s will and blessing over our lives both as individuals and as a couple. We understand that we are human and that we will fail each other, but we love and follow a God who is perfect in every way and He will never fail us.

I love spending quiet time with the Lord or seeing His work around me. There is a certain joy that is totally indescribable, but totally worth discovering.

I pray over each and every one of your lives. As my prayer life becomes more and more a part of my core being, I yearn for the things of my God to become things of the world. Blessings, Peace, and Joy of the Lord are my prayers daily.

Day by day, moment by moment

-Simply Jordan