It’s not the busy times, it’s not even the times that you
end up alone. It is the times your mind wanders around making connections based
on touch, smell, or even a simple word from a passing stranger. Those moments,
those thoughts, those are the times you realize just how far you have come.
Those are the times you catch a glimpse of just how far you can go! It’s been
one year, one year since I said “yes” or “ya” rather. I cried that day, I cried
months later when the yes was no longer good enough and I was shaken to my
core. I have told my story countless times, I have received looks of pity,
looks of amazement and so many words of encouragement. As the date of my
“imaginary” wedding draws ever nearer, this is my new rendition of that day. So
here, one year later, from my saying “yes” to a man, is my thoughts on saying
“yes” to God, life, and living free.
The Dress
Preparation for the day can span weeks,
months, and for some even years. Getting ready is no small task, but I imagine
that when my day finally comes I’ll be ready. Yes…there is a beautiful wedding
gown, my wedding gown, the one I dreamed of, in my closet. There is also
wedding decorations, emails about all this weddings that fill my inbox, and a
bag of shredded pictures and letters of a relationship long passed. To me it is a beautiful reminder of where I
came from, and where I am going. To me
those are the preparation I needed to take the next step forward.
The Walk
This part of the ceremony is beautiful and one of my favorite parts. I look
forward to this walk with my own daddy one day (I’m sure there will be tears,
and thank goodness for waterproof makeup). It symbolizes the women taking the final
walk from her previous life into a new life making new covenants, even changing
her identity with a new name. As I sit in an airport writing this, I am
reminded that life is not a destination, but a journey filled with stages,
commitments, and moving forward. Today I take the next step forward.
The Vow
People talk, even if only non-verbally. I have learned as part of my live free
attitude to “not care”, what other people choose to say or not say but here are
some of my thoughts to debunk some thoughts of others: I am not broken, my
Father has made me whole. I am not used, my Father has redeemed me. I am not
sad, my Father has a plan for me. It was not a mistake, for I would not be here
now doing what I am doing without going through this. In not so many words, my
broken engagement was the best thing to ever happen to me. So here is where I
make my vow, to live free. Today I take a vow and move forward.
The Kiss
I imagine that kiss, the kiss. The one taken at the end of the ceremony, the
first kiss as a bride. The kiss is the start of something new and so comes my
life free attitude. I have done so much in this year, from taking trips of
crazy proportions with my friends, traveling internationally on a mission trip,
to riding a mechanical bull, to dying my hair for the first time. I never stop
looking for adventure. I never want to stop growing and challenging myself. I
love seeking the sweet joy and unconditional love of my Heavenly Father, and
the reassurance of support and love of my earthly family and friends. Today I
take a kiss from life and move forward.
Not every day is easy, but not every
day is bad. I have tons of great moments, I have amazing friends and family
that get me through the rough times too. Life is a journey, not a destination,
and I choose each day to be joyful and live free each moment in that moment.
Here is too many more years of
living free and saying YES to God.
Simply Jordan
Simply Jordan
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