If I wrote you a letter...

If I wrote you a letter… Where would I start?
Would I say I’m sorry? Would I say I forgive you?

If I wrote you a letter…  Where would I send it?
To your heart? To your head?

If I wrote you a letter… What would I say?
Do I tell you the good things, or the bad things?

If I wrote you a letter… Would it do any good?
What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong?
How could we have fixed it? Did we try our best?

Do you know how much I loved you? Do you know how much I cared?
Do you know how much I prayed for you? Do you know how much I grew in faith and love?
Do you know?

The Lord is close to the broken hearted. He gives rest to the weary and strength to the weak.
He gives a spirit of love and sound mind, not of fear or timidity. 

Oh Lord, If I wrote you a letter…

The Eye of the Storm

What next? My youth pastor used to joke about lessons in patience. He would say “don’t ask God for lessons in patience, cause then you will get them.” I’ve learned a lot about patience over the years. 12-Year-old Jordan had no patience, she lacked a lot of other things too, she had a plan, a very good plan, she thought. It was 15 to 20 years long and didn’t have much wiggle room, fool proof. (HA) I look back and see where I went so far from that plan and yet somehow stayed pretty close too.

“I try to put you in the box where I design”… “but when did I forget that you were King of the World”

I feel all the emotions and yet nothing at all. At any moment I could totally space out and break. I’m an open book, if I know, I can tell you. But I open my mouth to speak and I choke…. “I feel so...” “I feel so…”, Broken? Confused? Angry? Upset?.... nothing seems to fit the hole just right.

I don’t understand His plan, I don’t. I can run a million questions through my head, but will the answers really help? My prayer tonight is to guide my step, just the next one, and then the next after that.

You grow a lot; you learn a lot. I see now why I didn’t date in high school as for me I love deep and I love hard. I love with an unconditional love. I pray that I always do, and I pray that whoever he is, wherever he is, he loves too. With a love that’s like Jesus, a love that’s unconditional.

What next? Well that’s to be discovered along the way, one step at a time. But today, I rise... and tomorrow, I rise and I take it one step at a time. "In the eye of the storm, You are in control..."

I am more than thankful for the growth of each day, the blessing and stressing that it brings. I am thankful for my relationships with friends and family. They always step up, show up and support me, even when I am one heap of a mess.

Mostly I am thankful for my faith, I always joke I came out of the womb ready for Church as my dad was pastoring at the time, but it hasn’t always been easy to walk in the faith. God placed some very special people along the way and they keep pointed in the right direction.

You see one day I will meet him, one day all this will make sense,

...One day is just not today.

And with the sincerest heart…

Thank you for everything,

-Simply Jordan