Grief. It’s a weird kinda thing. One moment you are singing,
smiling, enjoying a new thing. The next moment you are crying deciding if you
want peach cobbler or not.
I believe I took a lot of psychology classes in college for
a reason. I remember grief. The topic of grief. The stages of grief…kinda… I
remember denial, anger and bargaining…. There seems to be a perpetual circle of
the 3 like a bad carnival ride you wish would end sooner rather than later.
I have experience grief from the loss of a friendship, loss
of a relationship, loss of a family member both sudden and prolonged… Each have
their own good memories and bad memories but is time really the only thing that
heals it?
I still find myself choked up over a death from years ago…. When
does it get better? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?
They say that breakups are a death in a relationship. I find
myself replaying the conversations… the good ones the bad ones…the last one. It
gets me every time. It hasn’t gotten easier. It still hurts. I still feel
broken. And there are times where I have to reevaluate my self-worth and who I am
and what I want to do.
I keep my radio on K-LOVE and no matter what is going on or
even if the radio is turned down low I can always hear when the new song my
Mercy Me comes on. Even If. Even if He doesn’t fix it like I want, or when I want
or Even If it takes al long time to get there… Even If He doesn’t, my hope is
found in Him. I still wear my ring and when I am having a low moment and I
catch a glimpse of that pearl I see my worth, my value. I am a pearl of great
prize, one worth more than all the riches, because I am a daughter of the Most
High King of Kings.
