When God's Will Isn't What I Wanted

It’s a busy time of year, anxiety, stress, and the overwhelming feeling of a “to-do” list longer than the want to list isn’t helping anyone. It’s easy to become complacent and enjoy the way life is going right in that moment. It’s easy to look at your life and think of all the things you have accomplished. It’s easy to be proud of yourself for those “great” things you have done. It’s easy to do those things when life is easy, but what about when life isn’t so “rainbows and roses”?

I am a big advocate of constant communication with God. I attempt to get into the Word every day and journal my thoughts and specifically my prayers. Lately I have been “too busy” to really get into my quiet times. If I did sit down and do it, it was very mechanical and not in the least relational. But this is my Father, this is my Shepard, my Comforter, but I felt so distant I didn’t even want to take time to talk to Him about it. Instead I harbored negative feelings until it turned into full-fledged anger.

It was a relief to admit how angry I had been. I began to cry and then I collected myself and I immediately felt better.

I was angry, why? I began to walk through it, in communion with God. See the past several months I have been praying specific prayers, the desires of my heart, and now in the time when it should be looking like life should go my way, and I’m getting a not so desired answer.

I was struggling, I was angry, I couldn’t understand how this outcome could possibly be in God’s plan for me. There I go again, writing my own story, deciding what’s best for me.

In my study this morning was Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, but prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Woah, reality check. Do not worry, do not be anxious, and do not fear. God is bigger, God is all-knowing, and God is all-powerful. He is the beginning and the end. He is Father, Comforter, Counselor, and Keeper. Why would I want anyone else to guide my path? The verse goes on in 4:7 to say, “And the Peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds.”

I want to be the best that I can be, as a daughter, as a girlfriend, as a future wife, as a future mother, as a student, as an employee, but I can’t let my own selfish pride, or my own fears or anxieties get in the way of GOD’s will for my life. Ultimately I am a servant of Christ Jesus and by starting there first the rest will fall into place.

So whatever you are struggling with surrender, admit to the feeling or the action, let the Great Comforter show you His great love. Make the decision to follow his Will and go forward with a Joy in your heart that even in the unfavorable circumstances you are still a servant of the Great Commissioner, no matter where your mission field is.

-Simply Jordan  

Christians Sing Lies

There is a quote that goes something like “Christians don’t tell lies, they sing them.” and the first time I heard this quote I knew it was true, for everyone except me (of course) because I was conscience of it. There is an acapella song which lyrics read “Love one another for love is of God, he who loves is born of God and knows God.” This some comes from the verses in 1 John.

I think this modern day culture has watered the word love down so much that sometimes we don’t even realize what we are saying. You love this, you love that, you love your mom, and you love coffee, but who or what you REALLY love. The bible says whatever dwells in our heart is where our treasure is built up. Are we really loving earthly things, or earthly people MORE than we love our Heavenly Father? Man, I woke up so convicted from this. I have so focused on showing love to special people in my life, my mom, grandmother, dad, brother, boyfriend, best friend. I want to love them correctly. The bible teaches us to love others, but we as optimistic modern Christians seem to glance over the “Those who do not love are not born of God”, parts of the Bible.

Christians spend their lives trying to be more like Jesus, we do “Christiany” things like church and community groups and retreats, we walk the walk and even talk the talk, but how is your heart? I went on a mission trip over spring break and there was a girl who was clearly the spiritual warrior of the group, but instead of asking me how was I like some many others she would take the time to stop, look at me, and ask me how is your heart?. The first few times this happened I was like oh yeah I’m good, but then I began to really dig into answering the question if not out loud, but internally KNOWING where my heart was.

Forgiveness is hard, really hard, and you can think you have forgiven someone for something to happen and you start harboring bad feelings again. My father shared with me a concept that I had never really thought about and I have to say it hit home pretty hard. If we believe that everyone is apart of God’s plan, if we truly believe that everyone can have a personal relationship with God and given the same opportunities in the Kingdom of Heaven. If we believe they are children of God, HOW can we “hate” them? And I know what you are thinking, “but Jordan I never said I hated them?” Oh but you did. See the Bible says that if anyone says “I love God” but hates his brother, he is a liar. The bible calls us liars! Man that’s such a conviction!!

There is peace, there is love, there is reconciliation, and there is power ALL in the name of Jesus. We are FORGIVEN for our sins (even the hate in our heart) by the blood of Jesus Christ. We are washed as white as snow in the Eye of God if you have accepted Jesus as Lord over your life and walk in His light. I encourage those (including me) who need to have a conversation of repentance to do that soon, like now! There is no time like the present as cheesy as that is. Don’t harbor the hatred in your heart over high school bullies, over a broken heart, over friends doing wrong. They are children of God too, try praying instead of dwelling in darkness. Live in the Light and the Mercy and the FORGIVENESS of God!

-simply Jordan

One of THOSE classes

I am taking a class this semester called “The Family”, and initially I thought it was going to be strictly about the family structure (hence the name), but I am nicely surprised to see that it is not. I got an email before the first day of class with an assignment already, and my first thought was oh great its going to be one of THOSE classes. I completed the assignment which was reading the preface and the first 2 chapters of the textbook before class (I was not amused). I actually began to really hate the book, I felt that the language it used was very confusing and that the sentences and paragraphs went round and round in circles. I constantly found myself thinking about this course and what I was going to get out of the course and whether or not I would even like the course in the first place. Now after the first week in the class I have attended twice and am working on chapter 4 of the book, I get excited about reading each chapter and even though the language is still confusing I try and understand it and go to class with a least a few questions or thoughts over the chapters.

So here is what I am learning. The class premise is based on the fact that there are two inert concepts each human has, individuality and togetherness. How each of these are expressed and the level of each expression is based on the learned structure of the family (or family environment).

What I am most excited about after just one week is seeking to answer the question How to be an individual while in a relationship. (not just romantically, but every relationship).

After my broken engagement, I spent SO much time (since that’s all I had was time) figuring out who I am and what I like. I discovered my worth and value through the eyes of my Lord and I’ve never turned back. What I won’t say is that I always have it together, if fact in my last post I talked about the beauty I found in brokenness and turning to the Christian faith and community for support.  

In my new venture into the relationship scene I had to redefine what love looked like both giving and receiving. I read another article that talks about how the best answers as to why you love someone is because you “just do”, that’s the magic and the beauty behind unconditional love. In this new season I (we) make it an important effort to seek the Lord’s will and blessing over our lives both as individuals and as a couple. We understand that we are human and that we will fail each other, but we love and follow a God who is perfect in every way and He will never fail us.

I love spending quiet time with the Lord or seeing His work around me. There is a certain joy that is totally indescribable, but totally worth discovering.

I pray over each and every one of your lives. As my prayer life becomes more and more a part of my core being, I yearn for the things of my God to become things of the world. Blessings, Peace, and Joy of the Lord are my prayers daily.

Day by day, moment by moment

-Simply Jordan  

Delay in Obedience is Disobedience

One of the most attractive things I find about people is when they are totally honest. I may not always like what they say, but I have an incredible respect for their honestly. Even more so, I love to see people be honest about brokenness. To see someone share about a struggle or just admit that, "no, today is rough" is, I think, something that takes more courage than “keeping it all together”.

I have failed at this in the last week. A few of my close family and friends knew that I was having rough days, but I always tried to sugar coat it, make it seem like I really did have it all together. In reality I was experiencing one of the darkest weeks I had ever experienced spiritually in my life. My life on the outside was going great, my friends and family were near me and we were celebrating my 21st bithday, I even got to see Clay Walker live in concert. All these things were great joy-filled time, but it was fleeting, and in these moments I realized how only a joy from the Lord can last when the "fun" times end. On the inside I had anxiety and worry that was eating me alive.

Over the last year, I let myself go and experience what God had for me in this life, it was a total attitude change from my life planning of 5, 10 and 15 years that I had always done. However someone told me once that the quickest way to make God laugh is to make your own plans, and I found that more true over the past year, especially this past week. This last year was amazing, I was truly happy, joyful, and looked to share the source of that joy with everyone.

Then something changed. I began to plan again.Not just what I was doing tomorrow, but for the next 5, 10, 15 years. As I was talking with my mom we talked about that the planning and preparing are not the issue, it’s the fear, anxiety, and anxiousness that something other than your plan might work.

Last semester God called me to get involved as a youth leader in my church, I was so excited to get to pour into young teenage lives just like the amazing women in my life did for me. I believe that I have a calling to minister to high school and middle school girls. I give a lot of this credit to my amazing experience in church youth group during my grade school years.

As this semester has moved closer and closer and I was supposed to go talk to the youth leader at my church, I bailed, not once, not twice, but three weeks in a row I made eye contact and diverted away from the situation. I blamed it on nervousness, then I blamed it on being busy and that I would not have the time needed to commit to serving these girls.

Let me tell you when God speaks to you and tells you to move in a certain direction then other direction will make you sick. I fell into a funk, I had anxiety over my future, I had anxiety over what I was eating or not eating to be exact, I wanted to sleep all the time because that was easier than worrying about everything.

Last night I attended my church’s Tuesday night corporate prayer gathering. If you are not praying corporately with a group of people, I suggest you do, it is one of the most powerful experiences I have and it happens week after week. I never leave Tuesday night prayer without something or someone being laid on my heart.

In this particular week, they asked people to stand for certain prayer needs and I knew I was struggling but I was not going to admit brokenness, so after the first group kind of matched my situation I made a bet with God (smart right?) that if the prayer leader mentioned this ONE word then I knew I would need to stand. After the second, third, and fourth groups were called I was sure I was in the clear because that word was never spoken… then… he says one more group of people that need help with OBEDIENCE, I was sick. That was the word. I had to stand up, but instead of the anxiety I had felt over the past week I felt a rush of peace run over me, the peace I had been praying for.

You are never too busy for God’s plan, and if you REALLY are, God will remove the distractions because God’s will always works out. Don’t let work, or a relationship, or school, or the idea of a lack of free time take you away from doing something God called you to do.

I would encourage you to pray for your next step whether it’s committing your life to Christ, going public with your faith through baptism, finding a home church, or getting involved. Whatever your next step God will lead you in the right direction and the peace that comes with following God’s will is indescribable.

The most profound thing I was reminded of just last night is that God shines brightest in your weaknesses. Jesus came to save the broken and the hurting. It’s ok to not be ok because the God of creation loves you unconditionally.

This is my story and it’s just getting started!

-Simply Jordan

The 20th Year

It’s amazing to see growth over 12 months. I started this list last year shortly after my birthday and finished it up today the last day of my 20^th year. So this is a mostly complete, mostly in order list of things I did or accomplished in my 20^th year:

Moved into my own apartment
Went to the lake for the first time
Rode a “lake boat”
Moved out of my house officially
Rode a “lake raft”
Rode a “lake disco” AND stood up
Opened up my first Roth IRA
Traveled on an all-girls trip
Smashed watermelons
Had a surprise birthday party
Had my hair put into cornrow and mini braids
Worn two different tutus in two  consecutive days
Dressed up like Jane from Tarzan
Kissed a man I was not dating
Went country dancing every week for 9 weeks without missing
Decorated my own apartment for Christmas
Studied for a test and made an A
Traveled out of the country alone
Rode a mechanical bull
Spent all day watching Netflix
Traveled to a new state (Washington)
Applied to an international internship
Applied and accepted an internship to a summer camp
Ran a 10k (6.2 miles) in 1:21:23
Presented my research at a national conference (NCUR)
Added a business minor to my degree plan
Ran a 5K (3.1 miles) in 29:32
Moved into a second apartment
Added a second roommate
Said yes to dating another man
Fell in love
Threw eggs out of a car into a field
Shot off new guns
Played in the snow
Played in the rain
Drove a 4-wheeler
Attended rodeos
Rode in a truck in pulling cattle in a trailer
Went “home” with my boyfriend to meet his family
Rode in a ’67 Camaro
Watched a classic car show
Started my business with my dad
Signed up to take the GRE

 Today on the 12^th of August I am spending my last day as a 20 year old. I am wrapping up #jordantakes20 and starting a new adventure. A year ago I had no idea I would be doing what I am doing, but I love every minute of it. God has orchestrated himself in my life and revealed so much to me. I have grown more spiritually and emotionally this year than my 19 years before that and for that I am so thankful.

                As I turn 21 tomorrow I am excited, mostly anxious to see what amazing things are going to come of this next step. I start my final year of college and will be applying to graduate school, a dream I gave up a couple years ago. I can’t tell you where I’ll be in a year, or even 6 months. I know that if I had tried to pin this year down I would have been so off and that makes me happier than anything else.

                To God, my Lord and Savior, it goes without saying I would not be remotely close to the Christian women I am without my faith in the Lord. I spent more soul searching, faith building, and spiritual growing in this year that most of the years before. Thank you for never failing and never giving up on me.

                To Mom and Dad, thank you for your unwavering and unconditionally support. I know now what they mean when they talk about one day you wake up and realize how amazing your parents are, and that moment happened this year. There aren’t enough words or time to describe what you mean to me, but I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to show you.

                To my family, each one of you have made an important impact on my life especially in the past year. You have helped form me into the woman that I am becoming and for that I thank you.

                To Zachary, I love you. You walked into my life ½ way through my 20^th year and I was defiantly not interested in allowing another man to wreck shop on my life, but you were patient, and you were unconditionally loving. You waited for me to fall and man did I fall. You fixed my broken heart and my broken perception of love. You taught me how to love again. Thank you.

                To Nella, you are my person. You were there through it all. All the late night talks, and the laughs and the tears. We grew a lot this past year and I’m excited to see where we go this semester. Thank you for being my best friend.

With that,
Simply Jordan
 #jordantakes21? 

365 Days: The Wedding of a Lifetime

It’s not the busy times, it’s not even the times that you end up alone. It is the times your mind wanders around making connections based on touch, smell, or even a simple word from a passing stranger. Those moments, those thoughts, those are the times you realize just how far you have come. Those are the times you catch a glimpse of just how far you can go! It’s been one year, one year since I said “yes” or “ya” rather. I cried that day, I cried months later when the yes was no longer good enough and I was shaken to my core. I have told my story countless times, I have received looks of pity, looks of amazement and so many words of encouragement. As the date of my “imaginary” wedding draws ever nearer, this is my new rendition of that day. So here, one year later, from my saying “yes” to a man, is my thoughts on saying “yes” to God, life, and living free.

The Dress

Preparation for the day can span weeks, months, and for some even years. Getting ready is no small task, but I imagine that when my day finally comes I’ll be ready. Yes…there is a beautiful wedding gown, my wedding gown, the one I dreamed of, in my closet. There is also wedding decorations, emails about all this weddings that fill my inbox, and a bag of shredded pictures and letters of a relationship long passed.  To me it is a beautiful reminder of where I came from, and where I am going.  To me those are the preparation I needed to take the next step forward.

The Walk

This part of the ceremony is beautiful and one of my favorite parts. I look forward to this walk with my own daddy one day (I’m sure there will be tears, and thank goodness for waterproof makeup). It symbolizes the women taking the final walk from her previous life into a new life making new covenants, even changing her identity with a new name. As I sit in an airport writing this, I am reminded that life is not a destination, but a journey filled with stages, commitments, and moving forward. Today I take the next step forward.

The Vow

People talk, even if only non-verbally. I have learned as part of my live free attitude to “not care”, what other people choose to say or not say but here are some of my thoughts to debunk some thoughts of others: I am not broken, my Father has made me whole. I am not used, my Father has redeemed me. I am not sad, my Father has a plan for me. It was not a mistake, for I would not be here now doing what I am doing without going through this. In not so many words, my broken engagement was the best thing to ever happen to me. So here is where I make my vow, to live free. Today I take a vow and move forward.

The Kiss 

I imagine that kiss, the kiss. The one taken at the end of the ceremony, the first kiss as a bride. The kiss is the start of something new and so comes my life free attitude. I have done so much in this year, from taking trips of crazy proportions with my friends, traveling internationally on a mission trip, to riding a mechanical bull, to dying my hair for the first time. I never stop looking for adventure. I never want to stop growing and challenging myself. I love seeking the sweet joy and unconditional love of my Heavenly Father, and the reassurance of support and love of my earthly family and friends. Today I take a kiss from life and move forward.

Not every day is easy, but not every day is bad. I have tons of great moments, I have amazing friends and family that get me through the rough times too. Life is a journey, not a destination, and I choose each day to be joyful and live free each moment in that moment.

Here is too many more years of living free and saying YES to God.
Simply Jordan 

What's Up?

My blog has been a little silent so I thought I would right a little update post on what’s been going on in my world these days. To start I am in the middle of my SIXTH semester in college. WHAT? When did this happen? Your guess is as good as mine, but I am loving it and all the amazing things I am learning and the memories I am making with some fantastic friends. I am still working on my degree in biochemistry; however, I have added a minor in business administration. I wanted to open some more doors for my post college life and it helped will in some hours to stay full time! School takes up a good chunk of my time between class, my research project, homework and this thing called a social life. My research project that I have been working on for close to a year has officially been accepted to the National Conference of Undergraduate Research and so I will be traveling to Washington state in mid-april to present my research.

I am bless with a wonderful group of women in my social club called Zeta Gamma. You can check out our second place winning follies show on YouTube under “Master Follies Zeta Gamma Guard-en Gnomes 2015”. I am the very convincing raccoon on the left side!

I gave myself until the New Year to just float through life and not really care how things ended up. Mainly this was revolving around my active participation in church and all things of that nature. I was attending church every week but that was about it. God and I got real with each other and I gave myself till the New Year. The first Sunday of the year I went to the Next Step center at Experience Life and got introduced to someone that I didn’t know was going to be such an impact in my life. I am now involved in a group of women in a program called Phase 1 that meet weekly for two hours for discipleship training and 1 hour a week for corporate prayer. I am also attending the college service at Raider Campus with a group of my friends. I love being so involved again.

So I talked about Phase 1, well Phase 2 is a year of international mission training, and then Phase 3 is to Go! I have always wanted to travel and experience international culture, and I started a #goingcoastal this past year to remind me of my goals. I am taking the first step this spring break with a trip to Nabaj, Guatemala March 14-20. I am going with a group of mostly college aged people from Experience Life and I am so excited, I am a little of 50% funded and I am so blessed over all the support that I have received. If anyone would like more information about my trip feel free to contact me.

I also created another #jordantakes20 on my birthday and I use this to track all the amazing adventures my 20^th year brings. I didn’t know it before but this year has become my favorite. I have already grown so much and its only 6 months in. I have given God control of my whole life down to everything I do and I am so excited to experience all God has for me.

The next major thing that is happening is my summer plans. After a month of serious prayer, several application, amazing references, and did I mention tons of prayer?... I finally was offered and accepted to be a group camp counselor at Camp Eagle in Rock Springs, Texas. I will be leading groups of about 10-30 people each week with my camp counselor through all their activities while at camp. I am so excited for this next adventure and I am already praying over the summer and all it will hold. I have already started my bracelet collection for the summer *pictured*. The first 80 degree day brought them out!



only the beginning...

If you follow me on any of my social media which you should (there are links to everything on this blog page, left column) then you have seen my and my #enohammock. I love my hammock and my chacos escecially when I get to wear them while in my hammock. My best friends and I are going to challenge our selfs to hammock 1000 different times/places this year, we dont have a cool hashtag for that but if you think of one let us know!

This is just the beginning and like I said I am so excited to see where God takes me in this life. I appreciate every prayer, “like”, text, call, comment or any other way each and every person is supporting me. It truly means the world to me.

With all God’s comforting peace, unconditional love, and overflowing joy,Simply Jordan