Even If You Don't

Grief. It’s a weird kinda thing. One moment you are singing, smiling, enjoying a new thing. The next moment you are crying deciding if you want peach cobbler or not.

I believe I took a lot of psychology classes in college for a reason. I remember grief. The topic of grief. The stages of grief…kinda… I remember denial, anger and bargaining…. There seems to be a perpetual circle of the 3 like a bad carnival ride you wish would end sooner rather than later.

I have experience grief from the loss of a friendship, loss of a relationship, loss of a family member both sudden and prolonged… Each have their own good memories and bad memories but is time really the only thing that heals it?

I still find myself choked up over a death from years ago…. When does it get better? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

They say that breakups are a death in a relationship. I find myself replaying the conversations… the good ones the bad ones…the last one. It gets me every time. It hasn’t gotten easier. It still hurts. I still feel broken. And there are times where I have to reevaluate my self-worth and who I am and what I want to do.

I keep my radio on K-LOVE and no matter what is going on or even if the radio is turned down low I can always hear when the new song my Mercy Me comes on. Even If. Even if He doesn’t fix it like I want, or when I want or Even If it takes al long time to get there… Even If He doesn’t, my hope is found in Him. I still wear my ring and when I am having a low moment and I catch a glimpse of that pearl I see my worth, my value. I am a pearl of great prize, one worth more than all the riches, because I am a daughter of the Most High King of Kings.

If I wrote you a letter...

If I wrote you a letter… Where would I start?
Would I say I’m sorry? Would I say I forgive you?

If I wrote you a letter…  Where would I send it?
To your heart? To your head?

If I wrote you a letter… What would I say?
Do I tell you the good things, or the bad things?

If I wrote you a letter… Would it do any good?
What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong?
How could we have fixed it? Did we try our best?

Do you know how much I loved you? Do you know how much I cared?
Do you know how much I prayed for you? Do you know how much I grew in faith and love?
Do you know?

The Lord is close to the broken hearted. He gives rest to the weary and strength to the weak.
He gives a spirit of love and sound mind, not of fear or timidity. 

Oh Lord, If I wrote you a letter…

The Eye of the Storm

What next? My youth pastor used to joke about lessons in patience. He would say “don’t ask God for lessons in patience, cause then you will get them.” I’ve learned a lot about patience over the years. 12-Year-old Jordan had no patience, she lacked a lot of other things too, she had a plan, a very good plan, she thought. It was 15 to 20 years long and didn’t have much wiggle room, fool proof. (HA) I look back and see where I went so far from that plan and yet somehow stayed pretty close too.

“I try to put you in the box where I design”… “but when did I forget that you were King of the World”

I feel all the emotions and yet nothing at all. At any moment I could totally space out and break. I’m an open book, if I know, I can tell you. But I open my mouth to speak and I choke…. “I feel so...” “I feel so…”, Broken? Confused? Angry? Upset?.... nothing seems to fit the hole just right.

I don’t understand His plan, I don’t. I can run a million questions through my head, but will the answers really help? My prayer tonight is to guide my step, just the next one, and then the next after that.

You grow a lot; you learn a lot. I see now why I didn’t date in high school as for me I love deep and I love hard. I love with an unconditional love. I pray that I always do, and I pray that whoever he is, wherever he is, he loves too. With a love that’s like Jesus, a love that’s unconditional.

What next? Well that’s to be discovered along the way, one step at a time. But today, I rise... and tomorrow, I rise and I take it one step at a time. "In the eye of the storm, You are in control..."

I am more than thankful for the growth of each day, the blessing and stressing that it brings. I am thankful for my relationships with friends and family. They always step up, show up and support me, even when I am one heap of a mess.

Mostly I am thankful for my faith, I always joke I came out of the womb ready for Church as my dad was pastoring at the time, but it hasn’t always been easy to walk in the faith. God placed some very special people along the way and they keep pointed in the right direction.

You see one day I will meet him, one day all this will make sense,

...One day is just not today.

And with the sincerest heart…

Thank you for everything,

-Simply Jordan

How I am SAVING $350 Dollars a Month in Food. Freezer/Frozen Meals

My roommate and I are hoping to start the New Year off right. I am finishing up my last semester of college and she is a first semester elementary teacher. Needless to say we are on a tight budget. Also we don’t have much time for meal prep, or execution so I came up with a plan to make a months’ worth of freezer meals that could easily be make in the crockpot or baking dish with little to not added effort in the evening. Did I also mention I work 3 part time jobs on top of being a full time student? (I love my busy life, but I needed an easier way to make dinner options that weren’t eating out) This is a complete list of everything that I bought on the day of shopping. Note that some things that are in the recipes I already had, so always check what you have and what you need, but for the purpose of this blog I am writing what I actually bought. We shopped at our local grocery store and shopped the sales. The biggest savings was on the meat that was on sale. We were able to buy bulk meats at cheaper prices. We bought the roast later because it wasn’t on sale that week but went on sale the next week. So when shopping you can wait. I went ahead and made the roast freezer meal bags with the veggies and the seasoning ahead of time and added that meat later when it went on sale. I spent a lot of time preparing for this and here it how I did it. I started with research, I looked at several blogs (like this one) about their method of prep. The general rule is that it will take 4 to 6 hours to do about 20 freezer bags if you are by yourself (I had help from my mom and roommate and we got it done in 3.5 hours).

This is a list of all the meals that the following shopping list will provide: 2 pot roast meals, Beef stew, 4 pkgs of Lunch meat, 3 bisquick chicken meals, potato soup, 2 BBQ chicken meals, 3 pork loins, 6 hamburger patties, sausage and beans, sausage and potatoes, chicken spaghetti, chili, 2 chicken and rice meals, green chili casserole, chicken fajitas, taco soup, pork chops, 2 hamburger helper meals, spaghetti, tostadas/tacos, weenies and mac and cheese, chili dogs. Also we have 11 additional non assigned bags of ½ lb cooked hamburger meat that we can use for anything. The recipes for most of these meals are included below. Some are not because they are basic meals or boxed instructions. These were all mixed with their meats, seasonings, and veggies and then frozen. The shopping list also included Lunch meat to make sandwiches and things for breakfast foods.  I had planned for a months’ worth of food but because of the great prices on meat and some of the items we already had I ended up with 32 meals just for dinner. SO we ended up with over 2 months’ worth of food because all the recipes make meals for 4 to 6 people and there is just two of us so we have leftovers for the next day lunch and typically another dinner. AND the best part was the grand total was just over $200. This makes each meal round out to be a little over $3 dollars per meal that’s $1.50 per person. If you ate out the equivalence that this meal prep cost and on average a takeout meal is $7, we would have spent around $900. Again this is two months’ worth of food so we are SAVING $700 dollars in two months by doing this method. I would say that’s totally worth it. (And its good wholesome food).

 
Shopping List

Dairy:
Gallon of milk
shredded cheese 4 pkg
cream cheese
can of biscuits
eggs
sliced cheese 2pkg
sticks of butter 2pkg
coffee creamer
bowl butter

Canned foods:
ranch style beans
whole kernel corn
2 cans of refried beans
3 cans of rotel
4 cans of green beans
black eyed peas
bushes baked beans
3 cans of cream of mushroom soup
5 cans of cream of chicken soup
1 can of cream of celery soup
2 cans of green chiles

Meat:
2lbs of roast
4 pork chops
9lbs of chicken breasts
sausage links
3lbs of shredded chicken
pork loin (we ended up getting a 9lb one)
2pkgs of weenies
sausage chub
lunch meat
10 lbs Hamburger meat chub

Produce:
10lb bag of potatoes
bag of baby carrots
1 bell pepper
1 onion

Frozen:
bag of cubed hashbrowns
5 bags of frozen veggies (assorted)
Dry goods:
olive oil
Beef broth cubes
long grain rice
onion soup mix
evaporated milk
2pkg of spaghetti noodles
parmesan cheese
paprika
bread crumbs
velveta
BBQ sause
2 loafs of bread
1 box of chicken broth
2 cans of chicken broth
fajita seasoning pkg
taco seasoning pkg
2 roast seasoning pkgs
chili making kit
bag of fritos chips
2 boxes of Hamburger helper
taco shells
tostado shells
flour tortillas
tortilla chips
cereal
4 ranch dressing seasoning pkgs
raw sugar

Gallon freezer bags
jug of water

Recipes:

Pot Roast (serves 4):
3 T olive oil
2 lb beef roast (any kind, cut into large cubes)
3 Cups beef broth
5 potatoes, cubed
3-4 carrots, sliced
Sprinkle of rosemary, oregano, thyme (whatever seasoning you like...make this recipe your own)

Split all ingredients in half and place in bags. Freeze. Day of cooking grab from freezer, pour all contents into crock pot and cook on high 3-4 hours or low 6-8 hours. Add salt and pepper to taste.

We serve this with green beans, a salad and dinner rolls

Pork chops (serves 4)

4 pork chops
1 can cream of mushroom soup
½ can of water
ranch seasoning (a dusting)

If meat is frozen 6-8 hours on low, cook minute rice 1cup of rice and serve over meat

Chicken/rice (4)
1 stick of butter
1½ cup of rice (regular long grain)
Cream of chicken 1 can
Cream of celery 1 can
2 ½ cup of milk
1pkg. lipton onion soup mix
4-6 chicken breasts cut in half
salt

Mix all ingredients minus chicken and soup mix, pour into crock pot place chicken on top, sprinkle onion soup mix on top, low for 8 hours.

Sausage/Potatoes

cut up (6 med) potatoes like fries, onions cut (small), 1pkg sausage in half then quarters. Fry in pan of canola oil (shallow).

Green Chili casserole
1lbs hamburger meat
can of cream of chicken
can cream of mushroom
can evaporated milk
can of green chilies
10-12 corn tortillas
package of shredded cheese

Turn oven on to bake at 350 Brown hamburger meat, add cans of soup, milk chiies, heat to boil, spray 9*13 layer tortillas, soup mix, cheese, (two layers), bake for 30mins or until bubbly.

Chicken Spaghetti
3/4lbs of cooked shredded chicken
2 cans of cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom
1 can of green chilies
1pkg of spaghetti (16oz)
1pkg of shredded cheese

Turn oven on. In sause pan mix cooked chicken, soups, chiles, heat to boil, cook spaghetti, drain spaghetti pour soup over noodles, place in 9*13, sprinkle with cheese, bake a 350 for 30 mins (bake 15 mins then add cheese).

Bisquick chicken

1 lbs of chicken tenders (defrosted)
1 cup of biscuit mix in ziplock bag
1/8 cup of parmesan cheese
2tbs of paprika
pinch of salt and pepper
½ stick of butter

Heat oven to 425, 9*13 baking dish line with foil, ½ stick of butter cut in slices, place in pan in oven to melt butter, ½ chicken in bag (well coated), take melted butter out of over, remove coated chicken, dip in butter on both sides, lay down in pan, finish chicken same way. Bake for 20-25 mins until chicken is done.

Porkloin in crockpot

Frozen porkloin
½ cup of breadcrumbs
garlic powder
pepper
½ cup of chicken broth

Frozen porkloin coated with breadcrumbs, sprinkle with pepper and garlic powder, and place in ½ cup of chicken broth (or water). Cook on low 12 hours. Serve with stovetop stuffing and cranberry Sause and mashed potatoes. ** cut finished porkloin in 3rds and freeze other two for later

Chicken fajitas

1lb of chicken breast
1 bell pepper sliced
1 sliced onion
½ of fajita seasoning

Thaw overnight from bag place contents in the crockpot, cook on low for 6-8 hours. Serve with tortillas

Potato Soup

Bag of frozen hashbrown potato cubes
box of chicken broth
can of cream of chicken soup
1pkg cream cheese

In a crockpot pour box of broth, add can of soup whisk together, pour in frozen potatoes, cover cook low for 6 hours. Lay cream cheese on counter for cooktime. Add cubed cream cheese and let melt for an hour. Serve with cheese, bacon bits.

Taco soup

1lb of ground hamburger meat
can of rotel
can of ranch style beans
can of whole kernel corn
½ ranch pkg
½ taco seasoning pkg
2 cans of water

Throw it all in the crockpot and cook on low for 6-8 hours. Serve with chips/cheese.

Homeade Chili

1lb of hamburger meat
I pkg of chili kit

Follow the directions on the chili kit, *omit masa. Serve with fritoes, and shredded cheese.

 

When God's Will Isn't What I Wanted

It’s a busy time of year, anxiety, stress, and the overwhelming feeling of a “to-do” list longer than the want to list isn’t helping anyone. It’s easy to become complacent and enjoy the way life is going right in that moment. It’s easy to look at your life and think of all the things you have accomplished. It’s easy to be proud of yourself for those “great” things you have done. It’s easy to do those things when life is easy, but what about when life isn’t so “rainbows and roses”?

I am a big advocate of constant communication with God. I attempt to get into the Word every day and journal my thoughts and specifically my prayers. Lately I have been “too busy” to really get into my quiet times. If I did sit down and do it, it was very mechanical and not in the least relational. But this is my Father, this is my Shepard, my Comforter, but I felt so distant I didn’t even want to take time to talk to Him about it. Instead I harbored negative feelings until it turned into full-fledged anger.

It was a relief to admit how angry I had been. I began to cry and then I collected myself and I immediately felt better.

I was angry, why? I began to walk through it, in communion with God. See the past several months I have been praying specific prayers, the desires of my heart, and now in the time when it should be looking like life should go my way, and I’m getting a not so desired answer.

I was struggling, I was angry, I couldn’t understand how this outcome could possibly be in God’s plan for me. There I go again, writing my own story, deciding what’s best for me.

In my study this morning was Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, but prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Woah, reality check. Do not worry, do not be anxious, and do not fear. God is bigger, God is all-knowing, and God is all-powerful. He is the beginning and the end. He is Father, Comforter, Counselor, and Keeper. Why would I want anyone else to guide my path? The verse goes on in 4:7 to say, “And the Peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds.”

I want to be the best that I can be, as a daughter, as a girlfriend, as a future wife, as a future mother, as a student, as an employee, but I can’t let my own selfish pride, or my own fears or anxieties get in the way of GOD’s will for my life. Ultimately I am a servant of Christ Jesus and by starting there first the rest will fall into place.

So whatever you are struggling with surrender, admit to the feeling or the action, let the Great Comforter show you His great love. Make the decision to follow his Will and go forward with a Joy in your heart that even in the unfavorable circumstances you are still a servant of the Great Commissioner, no matter where your mission field is.

-Simply Jordan  

Christians Sing Lies

There is a quote that goes something like “Christians don’t tell lies, they sing them.” and the first time I heard this quote I knew it was true, for everyone except me (of course) because I was conscience of it. There is an acapella song which lyrics read “Love one another for love is of God, he who loves is born of God and knows God.” This some comes from the verses in 1 John.

I think this modern day culture has watered the word love down so much that sometimes we don’t even realize what we are saying. You love this, you love that, you love your mom, and you love coffee, but who or what you REALLY love. The bible says whatever dwells in our heart is where our treasure is built up. Are we really loving earthly things, or earthly people MORE than we love our Heavenly Father? Man, I woke up so convicted from this. I have so focused on showing love to special people in my life, my mom, grandmother, dad, brother, boyfriend, best friend. I want to love them correctly. The bible teaches us to love others, but we as optimistic modern Christians seem to glance over the “Those who do not love are not born of God”, parts of the Bible.

Christians spend their lives trying to be more like Jesus, we do “Christiany” things like church and community groups and retreats, we walk the walk and even talk the talk, but how is your heart? I went on a mission trip over spring break and there was a girl who was clearly the spiritual warrior of the group, but instead of asking me how was I like some many others she would take the time to stop, look at me, and ask me how is your heart?. The first few times this happened I was like oh yeah I’m good, but then I began to really dig into answering the question if not out loud, but internally KNOWING where my heart was.

Forgiveness is hard, really hard, and you can think you have forgiven someone for something to happen and you start harboring bad feelings again. My father shared with me a concept that I had never really thought about and I have to say it hit home pretty hard. If we believe that everyone is apart of God’s plan, if we truly believe that everyone can have a personal relationship with God and given the same opportunities in the Kingdom of Heaven. If we believe they are children of God, HOW can we “hate” them? And I know what you are thinking, “but Jordan I never said I hated them?” Oh but you did. See the Bible says that if anyone says “I love God” but hates his brother, he is a liar. The bible calls us liars! Man that’s such a conviction!!

There is peace, there is love, there is reconciliation, and there is power ALL in the name of Jesus. We are FORGIVEN for our sins (even the hate in our heart) by the blood of Jesus Christ. We are washed as white as snow in the Eye of God if you have accepted Jesus as Lord over your life and walk in His light. I encourage those (including me) who need to have a conversation of repentance to do that soon, like now! There is no time like the present as cheesy as that is. Don’t harbor the hatred in your heart over high school bullies, over a broken heart, over friends doing wrong. They are children of God too, try praying instead of dwelling in darkness. Live in the Light and the Mercy and the FORGIVENESS of God!

-simply Jordan

One of THOSE classes

I am taking a class this semester called “The Family”, and initially I thought it was going to be strictly about the family structure (hence the name), but I am nicely surprised to see that it is not. I got an email before the first day of class with an assignment already, and my first thought was oh great its going to be one of THOSE classes. I completed the assignment which was reading the preface and the first 2 chapters of the textbook before class (I was not amused). I actually began to really hate the book, I felt that the language it used was very confusing and that the sentences and paragraphs went round and round in circles. I constantly found myself thinking about this course and what I was going to get out of the course and whether or not I would even like the course in the first place. Now after the first week in the class I have attended twice and am working on chapter 4 of the book, I get excited about reading each chapter and even though the language is still confusing I try and understand it and go to class with a least a few questions or thoughts over the chapters.

So here is what I am learning. The class premise is based on the fact that there are two inert concepts each human has, individuality and togetherness. How each of these are expressed and the level of each expression is based on the learned structure of the family (or family environment).

What I am most excited about after just one week is seeking to answer the question How to be an individual while in a relationship. (not just romantically, but every relationship).

After my broken engagement, I spent SO much time (since that’s all I had was time) figuring out who I am and what I like. I discovered my worth and value through the eyes of my Lord and I’ve never turned back. What I won’t say is that I always have it together, if fact in my last post I talked about the beauty I found in brokenness and turning to the Christian faith and community for support.  

In my new venture into the relationship scene I had to redefine what love looked like both giving and receiving. I read another article that talks about how the best answers as to why you love someone is because you “just do”, that’s the magic and the beauty behind unconditional love. In this new season I (we) make it an important effort to seek the Lord’s will and blessing over our lives both as individuals and as a couple. We understand that we are human and that we will fail each other, but we love and follow a God who is perfect in every way and He will never fail us.

I love spending quiet time with the Lord or seeing His work around me. There is a certain joy that is totally indescribable, but totally worth discovering.

I pray over each and every one of your lives. As my prayer life becomes more and more a part of my core being, I yearn for the things of my God to become things of the world. Blessings, Peace, and Joy of the Lord are my prayers daily.

Day by day, moment by moment

-Simply Jordan  

Delay in Obedience is Disobedience

One of the most attractive things I find about people is when they are totally honest. I may not always like what they say, but I have an incredible respect for their honestly. Even more so, I love to see people be honest about brokenness. To see someone share about a struggle or just admit that, "no, today is rough" is, I think, something that takes more courage than “keeping it all together”.

I have failed at this in the last week. A few of my close family and friends knew that I was having rough days, but I always tried to sugar coat it, make it seem like I really did have it all together. In reality I was experiencing one of the darkest weeks I had ever experienced spiritually in my life. My life on the outside was going great, my friends and family were near me and we were celebrating my 21st bithday, I even got to see Clay Walker live in concert. All these things were great joy-filled time, but it was fleeting, and in these moments I realized how only a joy from the Lord can last when the "fun" times end. On the inside I had anxiety and worry that was eating me alive.

Over the last year, I let myself go and experience what God had for me in this life, it was a total attitude change from my life planning of 5, 10 and 15 years that I had always done. However someone told me once that the quickest way to make God laugh is to make your own plans, and I found that more true over the past year, especially this past week. This last year was amazing, I was truly happy, joyful, and looked to share the source of that joy with everyone.

Then something changed. I began to plan again.Not just what I was doing tomorrow, but for the next 5, 10, 15 years. As I was talking with my mom we talked about that the planning and preparing are not the issue, it’s the fear, anxiety, and anxiousness that something other than your plan might work.

Last semester God called me to get involved as a youth leader in my church, I was so excited to get to pour into young teenage lives just like the amazing women in my life did for me. I believe that I have a calling to minister to high school and middle school girls. I give a lot of this credit to my amazing experience in church youth group during my grade school years.

As this semester has moved closer and closer and I was supposed to go talk to the youth leader at my church, I bailed, not once, not twice, but three weeks in a row I made eye contact and diverted away from the situation. I blamed it on nervousness, then I blamed it on being busy and that I would not have the time needed to commit to serving these girls.

Let me tell you when God speaks to you and tells you to move in a certain direction then other direction will make you sick. I fell into a funk, I had anxiety over my future, I had anxiety over what I was eating or not eating to be exact, I wanted to sleep all the time because that was easier than worrying about everything.

Last night I attended my church’s Tuesday night corporate prayer gathering. If you are not praying corporately with a group of people, I suggest you do, it is one of the most powerful experiences I have and it happens week after week. I never leave Tuesday night prayer without something or someone being laid on my heart.

In this particular week, they asked people to stand for certain prayer needs and I knew I was struggling but I was not going to admit brokenness, so after the first group kind of matched my situation I made a bet with God (smart right?) that if the prayer leader mentioned this ONE word then I knew I would need to stand. After the second, third, and fourth groups were called I was sure I was in the clear because that word was never spoken… then… he says one more group of people that need help with OBEDIENCE, I was sick. That was the word. I had to stand up, but instead of the anxiety I had felt over the past week I felt a rush of peace run over me, the peace I had been praying for.

You are never too busy for God’s plan, and if you REALLY are, God will remove the distractions because God’s will always works out. Don’t let work, or a relationship, or school, or the idea of a lack of free time take you away from doing something God called you to do.

I would encourage you to pray for your next step whether it’s committing your life to Christ, going public with your faith through baptism, finding a home church, or getting involved. Whatever your next step God will lead you in the right direction and the peace that comes with following God’s will is indescribable.

The most profound thing I was reminded of just last night is that God shines brightest in your weaknesses. Jesus came to save the broken and the hurting. It’s ok to not be ok because the God of creation loves you unconditionally.

This is my story and it’s just getting started!

-Simply Jordan

The 20th Year

It’s amazing to see growth over 12 months. I started this list last year shortly after my birthday and finished it up today the last day of my 20^th year. So this is a mostly complete, mostly in order list of things I did or accomplished in my 20^th year:

Moved into my own apartment
Went to the lake for the first time
Rode a “lake boat”
Moved out of my house officially
Rode a “lake raft”
Rode a “lake disco” AND stood up
Opened up my first Roth IRA
Traveled on an all-girls trip
Smashed watermelons
Had a surprise birthday party
Had my hair put into cornrow and mini braids
Worn two different tutus in two  consecutive days
Dressed up like Jane from Tarzan
Kissed a man I was not dating
Went country dancing every week for 9 weeks without missing
Decorated my own apartment for Christmas
Studied for a test and made an A
Traveled out of the country alone
Rode a mechanical bull
Spent all day watching Netflix
Traveled to a new state (Washington)
Applied to an international internship
Applied and accepted an internship to a summer camp
Ran a 10k (6.2 miles) in 1:21:23
Presented my research at a national conference (NCUR)
Added a business minor to my degree plan
Ran a 5K (3.1 miles) in 29:32
Moved into a second apartment
Added a second roommate
Said yes to dating another man
Fell in love
Threw eggs out of a car into a field
Shot off new guns
Played in the snow
Played in the rain
Drove a 4-wheeler
Attended rodeos
Rode in a truck in pulling cattle in a trailer
Went “home” with my boyfriend to meet his family
Rode in a ’67 Camaro
Watched a classic car show
Started my business with my dad
Signed up to take the GRE

 Today on the 12^th of August I am spending my last day as a 20 year old. I am wrapping up #jordantakes20 and starting a new adventure. A year ago I had no idea I would be doing what I am doing, but I love every minute of it. God has orchestrated himself in my life and revealed so much to me. I have grown more spiritually and emotionally this year than my 19 years before that and for that I am so thankful.

                As I turn 21 tomorrow I am excited, mostly anxious to see what amazing things are going to come of this next step. I start my final year of college and will be applying to graduate school, a dream I gave up a couple years ago. I can’t tell you where I’ll be in a year, or even 6 months. I know that if I had tried to pin this year down I would have been so off and that makes me happier than anything else.

                To God, my Lord and Savior, it goes without saying I would not be remotely close to the Christian women I am without my faith in the Lord. I spent more soul searching, faith building, and spiritual growing in this year that most of the years before. Thank you for never failing and never giving up on me.

                To Mom and Dad, thank you for your unwavering and unconditionally support. I know now what they mean when they talk about one day you wake up and realize how amazing your parents are, and that moment happened this year. There aren’t enough words or time to describe what you mean to me, but I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to show you.

                To my family, each one of you have made an important impact on my life especially in the past year. You have helped form me into the woman that I am becoming and for that I thank you.

                To Zachary, I love you. You walked into my life ½ way through my 20^th year and I was defiantly not interested in allowing another man to wreck shop on my life, but you were patient, and you were unconditionally loving. You waited for me to fall and man did I fall. You fixed my broken heart and my broken perception of love. You taught me how to love again. Thank you.

                To Nella, you are my person. You were there through it all. All the late night talks, and the laughs and the tears. We grew a lot this past year and I’m excited to see where we go this semester. Thank you for being my best friend.

With that,
Simply Jordan
 #jordantakes21? 

365 Days: The Wedding of a Lifetime

It’s not the busy times, it’s not even the times that you end up alone. It is the times your mind wanders around making connections based on touch, smell, or even a simple word from a passing stranger. Those moments, those thoughts, those are the times you realize just how far you have come. Those are the times you catch a glimpse of just how far you can go! It’s been one year, one year since I said “yes” or “ya” rather. I cried that day, I cried months later when the yes was no longer good enough and I was shaken to my core. I have told my story countless times, I have received looks of pity, looks of amazement and so many words of encouragement. As the date of my “imaginary” wedding draws ever nearer, this is my new rendition of that day. So here, one year later, from my saying “yes” to a man, is my thoughts on saying “yes” to God, life, and living free.

The Dress

Preparation for the day can span weeks, months, and for some even years. Getting ready is no small task, but I imagine that when my day finally comes I’ll be ready. Yes…there is a beautiful wedding gown, my wedding gown, the one I dreamed of, in my closet. There is also wedding decorations, emails about all this weddings that fill my inbox, and a bag of shredded pictures and letters of a relationship long passed.  To me it is a beautiful reminder of where I came from, and where I am going.  To me those are the preparation I needed to take the next step forward.

The Walk

This part of the ceremony is beautiful and one of my favorite parts. I look forward to this walk with my own daddy one day (I’m sure there will be tears, and thank goodness for waterproof makeup). It symbolizes the women taking the final walk from her previous life into a new life making new covenants, even changing her identity with a new name. As I sit in an airport writing this, I am reminded that life is not a destination, but a journey filled with stages, commitments, and moving forward. Today I take the next step forward.

The Vow

People talk, even if only non-verbally. I have learned as part of my live free attitude to “not care”, what other people choose to say or not say but here are some of my thoughts to debunk some thoughts of others: I am not broken, my Father has made me whole. I am not used, my Father has redeemed me. I am not sad, my Father has a plan for me. It was not a mistake, for I would not be here now doing what I am doing without going through this. In not so many words, my broken engagement was the best thing to ever happen to me. So here is where I make my vow, to live free. Today I take a vow and move forward.

The Kiss 

I imagine that kiss, the kiss. The one taken at the end of the ceremony, the first kiss as a bride. The kiss is the start of something new and so comes my life free attitude. I have done so much in this year, from taking trips of crazy proportions with my friends, traveling internationally on a mission trip, to riding a mechanical bull, to dying my hair for the first time. I never stop looking for adventure. I never want to stop growing and challenging myself. I love seeking the sweet joy and unconditional love of my Heavenly Father, and the reassurance of support and love of my earthly family and friends. Today I take a kiss from life and move forward.

Not every day is easy, but not every day is bad. I have tons of great moments, I have amazing friends and family that get me through the rough times too. Life is a journey, not a destination, and I choose each day to be joyful and live free each moment in that moment.

Here is too many more years of living free and saying YES to God.
Simply Jordan 

What's Up?

My blog has been a little silent so I thought I would right a little update post on what’s been going on in my world these days. To start I am in the middle of my SIXTH semester in college. WHAT? When did this happen? Your guess is as good as mine, but I am loving it and all the amazing things I am learning and the memories I am making with some fantastic friends. I am still working on my degree in biochemistry; however, I have added a minor in business administration. I wanted to open some more doors for my post college life and it helped will in some hours to stay full time! School takes up a good chunk of my time between class, my research project, homework and this thing called a social life. My research project that I have been working on for close to a year has officially been accepted to the National Conference of Undergraduate Research and so I will be traveling to Washington state in mid-april to present my research.

I am bless with a wonderful group of women in my social club called Zeta Gamma. You can check out our second place winning follies show on YouTube under “Master Follies Zeta Gamma Guard-en Gnomes 2015”. I am the very convincing raccoon on the left side!

I gave myself until the New Year to just float through life and not really care how things ended up. Mainly this was revolving around my active participation in church and all things of that nature. I was attending church every week but that was about it. God and I got real with each other and I gave myself till the New Year. The first Sunday of the year I went to the Next Step center at Experience Life and got introduced to someone that I didn’t know was going to be such an impact in my life. I am now involved in a group of women in a program called Phase 1 that meet weekly for two hours for discipleship training and 1 hour a week for corporate prayer. I am also attending the college service at Raider Campus with a group of my friends. I love being so involved again.

So I talked about Phase 1, well Phase 2 is a year of international mission training, and then Phase 3 is to Go! I have always wanted to travel and experience international culture, and I started a #goingcoastal this past year to remind me of my goals. I am taking the first step this spring break with a trip to Nabaj, Guatemala March 14-20. I am going with a group of mostly college aged people from Experience Life and I am so excited, I am a little of 50% funded and I am so blessed over all the support that I have received. If anyone would like more information about my trip feel free to contact me.

I also created another #jordantakes20 on my birthday and I use this to track all the amazing adventures my 20^th year brings. I didn’t know it before but this year has become my favorite. I have already grown so much and its only 6 months in. I have given God control of my whole life down to everything I do and I am so excited to experience all God has for me.

The next major thing that is happening is my summer plans. After a month of serious prayer, several application, amazing references, and did I mention tons of prayer?... I finally was offered and accepted to be a group camp counselor at Camp Eagle in Rock Springs, Texas. I will be leading groups of about 10-30 people each week with my camp counselor through all their activities while at camp. I am so excited for this next adventure and I am already praying over the summer and all it will hold. I have already started my bracelet collection for the summer *pictured*. The first 80 degree day brought them out!



only the beginning...

If you follow me on any of my social media which you should (there are links to everything on this blog page, left column) then you have seen my and my #enohammock. I love my hammock and my chacos escecially when I get to wear them while in my hammock. My best friends and I are going to challenge our selfs to hammock 1000 different times/places this year, we dont have a cool hashtag for that but if you think of one let us know!

This is just the beginning and like I said I am so excited to see where God takes me in this life. I appreciate every prayer, “like”, text, call, comment or any other way each and every person is supporting me. It truly means the world to me.

With all God’s comforting peace, unconditional love, and overflowing joy,Simply Jordan

Self-Image from a Teenager

I found an old book that I had written in answering questions about myself. One of the questions asked how I viewed myself. Being the “type A” person that I am I had to break it down of course because the question was too broad. So my early teenage self answered like this,

“On a good day: pretty, leader, good size, there is someone who likes me, God loving. On a bad day: ugly, never fit in, my nose is too big, way too skinny, no one likes me, bad mood.”
Sad isn’t it… That I could think those own things about myself…

On the next questioned that I answered about where I got my self-image I answered with the “correct” answer. I said that the “good day” view was of course from God and the “bad day” view was of course from the world. Even as a 14-15 year old I had the answers. I knew my worth and my value in Christ, but that doesn’t mean that’s the forefront of my mind every moment of every day.

I'm not perfect. No one is perfect. My home church has two mottos that I absolutely love and spread every chance I get. The first is that No perfect people are allowed at church because church is not for the perfect people who have it all together and have it all figured out. Church is for the broken, the lost, the hungry, the sick, the frustrated, the haters, and the hopeless. Church is for the people. All people because we are all not perfect. The second motto is something that I have adapted into my daily thoughts. I try to start the day by saying “God I want to experience all that you have for me in this life.” I don’t want to wait around anymore for the “next event” to come into my life. I want to press play. I want to live each day and experience all that day has for me.

This is not a “you need to go to church” blog; to be honest I took a two year break from church. I don’t say that to make it OK, I simply state it. When I decided to return to church again it was for all the wrong reasons and I ended up church hopping for a while. I eventually ended up in where I feel like God has placed me and my family. I feel God working, I feel God shaking and rumbling my foundation. I am not meant to get to comfortable because comfortable people don’t move mountains.

God has a plan for my life, just like he has a plan for each and every one of his beloved children. Today. Love yourself. Today. Do something that makes you happy no matter how small.

With all my heart,
Simply Jordan

I am Free

I am free. I have been occupied lately, my mind running a million miles an hour in a million different directions. I have to remind myself to stop and breathe, or eat, or sleep, or rest. During this season in my life one word comes to mind over and over. I has presented itself in many ways, it’s all over my journal entries, it’s literally on buildings around campus, but most importantly it is written on my heart. Free. I am Free. FREE. I don’t mean cheap like a sale rack or the left over junk. I mean without bondage, without penalties, without blame, without shame, without blemish. On the bible building of my college campus the words at the top read “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you FREE!” I know the truth, I know who I am, I know that God has a plan for my life, and this sets me Free.

Tonight at an all-girls devo on campus they talked about dignity and identity in Christ. They had us take a note card and write one word that God calls us or labels us. The results were beautiful; my word was “Free” as that’s what my heart is screaming in this season. My heart is to share my story because I pray that my story points to Christ.

I don’t want to walk around with fear because fear is not of God.
I don’t want to walk around with doubt because doubt is not of God.
I don’t want to walk around with anger because anger is not of God.

There is a season for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says He has made everything BEAUTIFUL in its time.

Your life does not have to be on hold for anything, any reason, anyone. Press play on your life and live each day filled with joy and happiness because your identity is in Christ and in Him you are FREE!

With all the love,
Simply Jordan

I Dont Have the Answers

I have learned a lot and I continue to learn a lot each day. God and I get real, I grow, I get up and I move forward. One of my biggest lessons so far is that moving on has nothing to do with the next relationship. Society considers being ready to date equal to moving on from a broken relationship, so once I have successfully entered the dating scene or the next relationship then I have successfully moved on from my past relationship. This is simply false information.  

You can enter into a relationship too soon. You need to have time to grieve and heal, even though no one died there is still a grief for the death of the relationship.

However you can have moved on from the past relationship and simply have not entered into a new relationship. In the 3 months since the split I have had countless people tell me that “my time will come” and although I do believe my time will come and the right man will be there I do not believe the underlying message being conveyed.

My happiness and my life does not hinge on any one person. I do not and will not have to put my happiness and my life on pause while I search or wait for the perfect man to walk in. I do not and will not have to sulk in my singleness pining for love to come my way. Being in a relationship brings no more core joy than you already possess.

I have a whole list of “why” questions as to why I had to go through what I went through, and although I will never fully understand I do know that there is purpose and a reason for everything. I have grown so much in the past 3 months. I know that I have a purpose greater than I can ever fathom, and I know that no matter how awful some of these things are they serve a greater purpose.

I am continuing a season of singleness with the intentions of doing it right, there are two things I know. It is ok to be single, for it is better to be alone than be with the wrong person. And the second thing is that a firm and solid foundation of my self-worth and self-image in Christ is being built before entering into another relationship.

No I am not going to do some sort of “dating pact” or “promise” not to date for any length of time. When I do date I know it will be the right time and it will feel right. And even though I am not entering into another relationship doesn’t mean I am not moving on.

Peace like a river the Lord gives me, Each and every day is a new day, a new day in Christ. I pray that he shields my eyes and my heart for I know God has a man in progress for me. This man will cherish everything that the Lord had prepared me to be and the work he does through me.

I don’t have it all together, in fact, some days I feel like I knew more the day before. I don't have the answers and I won't pretend that I do. But each day I grow wiser, I grow stronger, I grow in confidence, and I grow in motivation to seek and live out Gods will for my life.

I am Simply Jordan being the best Jordan that I can be.

Through the unconditional and all-consuming love of Christ,
-Simply Jordan

Breaking It Down

I broke down, I got angry, I smashed some watermelon, I got up, I went back to work, I moved into an apartment, I started a new semester, then…. Two months later… I break down… Now what?

God is shaking me and breaking me. He is building me and molding me. Not to be someone’s “other half” or “the One”, although I know that one day that will come. No, God is building me into the women that He wants me to be.  

Where am I now?
I have good days, like when my bangs lay just right, or that friend said the best thing ever, or I get the grade on my assignment I worked forever on. I have great days, where I spend quality time with those I love, or where I do something for myself like read a book or buy a cup of iced coffee (my new favorite). With the great days, there come also those fewer and more and more far between, not so good days. There are still tears, there is still hurt, there is still sadness, there is still pain, and there is still anger… and that’s OK!

What am I thinking now?
Where do I go from here? God, if that wasn’t part of your plan for the rest of my life, what do you want me to do now? How can you use me? One way I think God is using me and my story is this blog, and that’s why I love to hear your stories as to how my blogs are affecting your lives and thoughts.
Each morning I choose that day to make that day the best I can. I get dressed, I go to class, I go to work, I do homework and I rinse, lather and repeat!

Each day I wake up and I choose that day to see the brighter future. Each day I look into my mirror and I choose that day to rejoice in the things I know through Christ. On my mirror I have a quote from that oh so popular pop song: “Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top” Daughters of Christ realize that these are not just lyrics there is truth in this statement given to you from the most high King. When you feel unworthy, when you feel used, when you feel wasted, when you feel useless, broken, shattered, or not good enough, KNOW that these are lies. Know that you are SO much more that you can imagine. Sons of Christ my prayer for you is for you to see with the eyes of Christ all that the daughters are made to be.

You have value, worth and significance in this world. And TODAY you can choose how you feel, react, and grow.

There will be good day, there will be bad days, but there will always be a God who loves you unconditionally, and that is love worth living for!

With Christ,
Simply Jordan

For Those Who Are...

For the first time in my life, I am truly content in being single. I tell people, “I’m doing me.” I am finding things I like, things I love, and things that just once was enough!

Moving forward in this new season in my life I’ve been making lists from the things I have learned while in my relationship and the many things I have learned since the break-up. I have hopes, wishes, dreams, and desires.
I desire to be loved, loved unconditionally, for ALL that I am!
I desire to be challenged in this life. I want challenged to grow mentally, spiritually, and physically each and every day.
I desire to be pushed toward all my goals, ambitions and dreams, not pulled away from them.

It is important to know where you are coming from, to evaluate where you are, and to go forward with your eyes wide open, your dreams larger than life, and a heart open and ready to receive what God has for you. I don’t know about you, but I want to experience EVERYTHING God has planned for me in this life.

For those who are broken, He stands with open arms ready to receive and restore you!
For those who are lonely, He calls you by name and claims you as His own!
For those who are wandering, find rest in Him!
For those who are struggling, stop resisting, He will catch you when you’re ready!
For those who are burdened, release it onto Him, He has already paid it all.
For those seeking to be loved, seeking to be protected, seeking to be cherished, KNOW that there is a God greater than you and more in love with you than any earthly man can EVER love you. KNOW that you are precious in HIS sight! You are a pearl to be prized and sought after. You are a one-of-a-kind, handcrafted daughter of the Most High King of Kings.
In God you have purpose and meaning to Life.

And with this prayer of my heart I leave you with this:
True beauty emits from the inside out, NOT the outside in!
In Christ’s everlasting and unconditional love,
Simply Jordan

The Pearl of Great Prize

The first dating season in my life was when I entered a promise (read “The Promise” below) when I was beginning high school after going through dating and relationship classes at church. I knew without a doubt that I wanted to save myself for one man. I took it to the extreme and even saved my first kiss for the special someone who would change my world. I wore a ring to symbolize my promise, it was in the shape of a “lovers knot” or “square knot”. It is two separate loops tied together in a form that if either side is pulled the knot will only get tighter. Like my promise if I was ever “tempted” or felt like I couldn’t continue the “knot” or “promise” would only get tighter.

Then everything changed when I met “The One” he asked a question and I took off my Promise Ring and entered an Engagement season. There were three diamonds, one for me, one for him, and one for God in the middle. Although I didn’t pick out my engagement ring my, then, fiancé knew I would love it and he told me the symbolism in it. The engagement didn’t last because it simply wasn’t meant to be as cliché as that sounds (read “Unconditional Love” below). So I took off my engagement ring and entered a season of bareness. I was raw and bare for the world and before my God.

For close to a month I wore no jewelry, ESPECIALLY no ring. And let’s be clear I had worn a ring on my left ring finger for 8 years. This was an important season for me and my process of healing over the broken engagement, and finding me in this life again. I had to find my identity in myself and in God. I had lots of question: How do I wear my hair? What about makeup? Did I used to do this before him? What do I wear? Did I do this for me, or for him? Who am I? What am I supposed to do now? You don’t realize how much your life begins to form around and for someone else until one day when you wake up and they are no longer there.

After the breakup I went home and my mother had set out my promise ring, the same ring I had worn for so long. It was so innocent and so full of hopes and dreams and promises that are no longer relevant for my life after the breakup. I placed the ring on my finger as I began to get ready for the day, before leaving the house I took the ring off and placed it on the counter. See I realized that I was not the same person I was before the relationship and I couldn’t go back to what I was before either. I was still me, but I had so much for knowledge and wisdom.

On my 20^th birthday I received a gift from my momma, the same women who gifted my first promise ring. It is a ring with one simple stone set around scrolled edges. The stone is a beautiful freshwater pearl. (I LOVE PEARLS)…. But here is why….

I picked out this ring, I love this ring not only because it is a pearl but because of the symbolism that it reminds me of (like my lovers knot promise ring, and my 3 diamond engagement ring).

Matthew 13:45-46 The Parable of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl

“Again the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls, when he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

A pearl is made over a long period of time, one grain of sand it added at a time and pressed and kept clean and pure until the pearl is finished and the clam is opened to reveal its treasure.

Ladies we are the pearls, made over time with lessons learned, and heartbreaks later. We are molded and kept until that one man comes and opens the clam and reveals our treasure. We are a pearl of great prize. We have worth and value beyond what we can imagine.

Men are the merchants looking for the pearls; they take pride and joy in things they work for. When they find that one thing that is prized greater than any other they are willing to go to whatever means necessary to make it their own. How wonderful would a love like that be!

My prayer for each and every woman, teen, or young girl is that they come to know their value and worth through Jesus Christ. And my prayer for every man, teen, or young boy is that they come to have the eyes of Christ to see these precious ladies for everything God has made them for.

So with this, I enter into a new season. Not tied down in a promise, not in an engagement, not raw in bareness, but as a pearl of great prize opened with a covenant.

This is me, being me for the world to see. I love to hear what you think about my writing. Please share this blog as you never know who it might help!

With love and joyfulness in Christ,
Simply Jordan

 

Unconditional Love

He was everything I had hoped, dreamed, and prayed for in the beginning. He was the kind of man my parents could be proud of; he was the man who would treat me right and love me for me. He taught me how to love myself and see myself as valued and beautiful. He showed me that a man here on this Earth that wasn’t my own dad could love me. He taught me how to love, and oh man did I love. I loved with my whole heart, my whole soul, and whole mind. I loved so deep and so wide. I loved unconditionally. I woke up every day falling more in love with this man, this precious man who loved me back. I was so blessed. I knew I had found the ONE.

I was planning my own perfect wedding, to my own perfect fiancé. I thought that what I was doing was God’s plan for my life. Let’s be honest here every little girl dreams of that perfect knight and shining armor to sweep her off her feet and fall madly, deeply, and unconditionally in love with her. She dreams of a beautiful proposal, a beautiful ring, and a beautiful family to be marrying into. She dreams of him asking her daddy permission and everyone beaming with joy. She dreams of planning and picking things out and shopping and asking bridesmaids to be bridesmaids and everything else involved in that special day.

I was there. I was in the midst of planning what seemed to be my storybook fairytale. Now I’m here on the other side of a broken engagement. See that one word, unconditional, changed everything. Sure he loved me, and a part of me knows in some ways he always will, just like I always will. He did great things for me, we had a great time together, and I was ready to sign my life away to him. To be his Bride was going to make me the happiest girl in the world. One day he realized that his love for me wasn’t meant for the commitment we were going to enter into. He realized he lacked a marriage, lifetime, and unconditional kind of love for me.

So that leaves me, just me, Jordan, being me for the world to see. I love writing, and since the split I have found it to be a passion again. I have a folder in my “cloud” that I write my feeling and thoughts in. You see I know that ONE day that man will chase after my own heart. ONE day a man will see me through God’s eyes and have the kind of love that is meant to last a lifetime, and marriage, a kind of love that IS unconditional. ONE day I will have another Godly dating experience, ONE day I will be asked to marry another man, ONE day I will enter into a Godly covenant with a man that is all the things that a husband my God designed. ONE day is just not today.

God’s love is unconditional. That means no matter what we do, no matter what we say God LOVES US. With all that God is, for He is the same today, tomorrow, and forever. I mean He is God of course. I find it no coincidence that God calls the church, and all its members meaning all believers, His BRIDE. And one day there will be a beautiful wedding between the Groom and His Bride. Here on Earth you see God gives us an imperfect example of His perfect love. Marriage between a man and a woman. In perfect unity, brought together in God’s perfect timing. ONE day is just not today.

-Jordan